Broken Wings (Baker, L.J)

Broken Wings, L.J. Baker

Overall Rating: 6/10
Gayness Rating: 10/10
Worth Reading:
If you like furrowing your brow at odd sentences and casually looking over your shoulder to make sure no one’s noticing you’re reading lesbian sex, yeah.  The story is not as solid as Lady Knight, but it is much better contained.  It’s worth reading for the heartpounding moments, both sexy and story.

Rye Woods IS an illegal immigrant.  No, we’re not talking about Mexicans, we’re talking about goddamned fairies.  An older sister charged with taking care of her younger like a mother, Rye works shit end jobs two at a time while maintaining school to give her sister a better life.  At an art show, a sexy ass dryad meets her and gets her panties wet.  There is sex within the first fifty pages of this book.  The story revolves around Rye’s plummeting confidence in her ability to take care of her sister and fear of being deported back to her monsterous homeland where awful shit would take place.  Gay is a centerpiece.

Cons:
- This book, much like how feminism was a podium for Lady Knight, focuses largely on the acceptance of homosexuality.  This is listed as a con because, well, not everyone picks up a book to hear someone’s soap box.

- The world is strange and the terminology is hard to get used to.  I had difficulty continuing to read this book because of how absurd everything was.  It seemed more like the author didn’t feel like learning any real world cultures to make a fiction novel so he just made a fantasy world for it.

- You want to punch the main character sometimes.  Usually, it’s not heartfelt because the protagonist does a lot of that punching for you.  But it can be hard to get through this book because of constantly wanting to beat the protag upside the head.

Pros:
- The writing was a bit better in this novel than in Lady Knight, and its treatment of the world around it is pleasantly contrasted to the previous novel.  It’s impressive to see two vastly different worlds from the same person.

- On the otherside, I like the dynamics of this working world that Baker made.  Fairyland, for instance, is painfully interesting to read about.

- Over the course of the book, you grow attached to the reoccuring characters to honestly get a little choked up by the end of it.  It’s also well contained within its setting, unlike Lady Knight which brought lots of information and hooks that remained unclasped.  Broken Wings told you a full story, beggining middle and end.

Alternate Title:
Repiticious Use of Phrases Makes Lesbians Sound Corny

Lady Knight (Baker, L.J.)

Lady Knight, L.J Baker

Overall Rating: 7/10
Gayness Rating: 9/10
Should I Read It:
This book has a lot of lesbian sex.  It’s blatantly gay.  It’s also filled with none too subtle sexism.  It depends on what you care about more.

Riannon of Gast IS the titular Lady Knight.  Having dressed as a man and sought the life of a knight errant, she ends battle and is confronted by a sexy nun cousin with an all too generous offer.  She also meets Eleanor of Barrowmere, twice widowed and aunt to a girl marrying Riannon’s estranged brother.  Eleanor and Riannon fall in love and lez out for several pages while Naer Aveline schemes.  Riannon shows that she, indeed, has AWESOME OVARIES, KICK ASS HONOR AND SMELLS NICE.

Cons:
- Not the best writing I’ve read, certainly not the worst.  It’s nothing that’ll wow you and I put it more as damaging to the story than helpful.

- I thought I’d never complain about lesbian sex but there was a lot of it in this book.  Not to say I disliked it, but more so I felt like the author just wanted to write a lot of it and it should’ve been edited out.

- Blatant sexism.  In the authors defense, it comes from the females being oppressed by men in their own novel.  However, only one or two males in this book maintain their honor till the end.  Each man in this story is displayed as curiously cruel and while there are plenty of female antagonists, it seems to pale in comparison.

Pros:
- The atmosphere and style of writing, while detrimental, is charming in its own way.  The way the author spaces things makes the dialogue seem more pleasant to the eye.

- Instead of displaying lesbianism as something more monsterous, natural or strange, the author makes a point of the previously assumed heterosexual Eleanor figuring her feelings throughout the book.  Her realization is lovely and quite touching.

- This book is pretty sexy.  Not going to lie.

If I Could Give It An Alternate Title:
Sexyism: A Female Knight Tale

The Mermaid’s Madness (Hines, Jim C.)

The Mermaid’s Madness, Jim C. Hines

Overall Rating: 7/10
Gayness Rating: 4/10
Should I read it:
N/A, if you read Stepsister Scheme, you will want to read Mermaid’s Madness

Danielle de Glas is Cinderella, Snow White has a name I refuse to look up, Talia Egyptian-name is Sleeping Beauty.  They kick ass.  After giving birth to her son, Danielle decides life’ll be all sweet and awesome and goes on a boat ride with her hubby and Queen mom.  Talia and Snow are onboard too because they’re protagonists, goddamn it.  Mermaids attack and we’re suffered through yet another alternate retelling of a fairy tale.  This time, you guessed it, Little Mermaid!  They take to the seas to save Beatrice’s life.  Also, this one is gayer than the last but not by TOO MUCH.  Fuck you, Hines, this can’t the end.

Cons:
- Like with the first book, it’s silly and childish.  You could feel embarrassed reading it at times.

- Gayness becomes some of an issue in this book, and it’s a bit distracted.

- Once again, they regale you with a lot of information at once and you’re to sort out what they’re referring to on your own.  Since it’s another retelling of Little Mermaid, you might find yourself squemish.

Pros:
- It’s still fun, it’s almost the same damn book.  I could praise the artist consistency.

- It brings another level with the running relationship between Snow and Talia.  Particularly while they’re scanty mermaids UNDA DA SEA

- It’s fun, and remaining lighthearted.  I reccomend it for anyone not looking for something to immerse yourself in.

If I could Give it an Alternate Title:
Cinderella, Why Do You Suck So Much?  Look At These Lesbians

The Stepsister Scheme (Hines, Jim C.)

The Stepsister Scheme, Jim C. Hines

Overall Rating: 7/10
Gayness Rating: 2/10
Should I read it:
It’s YA.  It’s what it is.  At first, you’re aghast at what you’re reading.  Then, you read this medium of acceptance.  Finally, you’re wondering if you’re actually liking this and you are.

Danielle de Glas is Cinderella.  Literally.  After she became married to her true love, she’s enjoying the princess life.  Her husband hasn’t returned home from being all princely and shit and she’s attacked by her step sister.  Soon, she’s met with Slutty Snow White and Sexy Brown Sleeping Beauty.  Together, they find Armand, the prince.  This shit involves fairies and more fairies.  Also, Sleeping Beauty is a lesbian? HOLY SHIT, SHE’S A LESBIAN.  But why isn’t anyone saying anything?  The fuck do you mean the book is over? GOD DAMN YOU, HINES

Cons:
- It’s YA, that should be enough to tell you that you’re not investing into a deep story

- The profound lack of gay is boring.  Oh, lesbian, and then there’s this sexual tension.

- There’s enough going on to give you time to hold that ALT key and put in 3232.

Pros:
- It’s a fun story, and will make you laugh at the absurdity of it.

- You genuinely feel for Sleeping Beauty.  I learned to like the other characters too, but there’s a good amount of the story devoted to make her a likable character within the story.

- The author seems uniquely aware that this is totally regoddamndiculous.  He often pokes fun at his own characters and never seems to take them too seriously.

If I Could Give It an Alternate Title:
Cinderella Has the Worst Superpow-Holy Shit is Sleeping Beauty a Lesbian?

Huntress (Lo, Malinda)

Huntress, Malinda Lo

Overall Rating: 8/10
Gayness Rating: 8/10
Should I Read It:
Like Ash, Huntress is very much a young adult story.  Unlike Ash, Huntress presents a clear and present obstacle and a much more involved story line.

After having a really confusing wet dream, Taisin forsees that she’s going to have a lot of trouble being a celibate sage.  Also, someone’s going to die, probably.  Kaede, the King’s Chancellor’s daughter, sucks at being sagely and learns to throw daggers.  In a chain of events that make everyone unhappy, Taisin, Kaede and Con, the prince, with a trio of guards go out to meet the Fairy Queen.  Shit happens, and no one is happy about it.  After several chapters of sexual tension so strained, it set my computer on fire, Taisin and Kaede decide to gay out.  Unicorns are involved, and the book ends.

Cons:
Like it’s predecessor, the writing is very simple and the plot is predictable.

The lesbian is much stronger in this book, but is strained into unbelievable sexual tension.  At least half of the book is painful sexual tension, to the point where you’re begging that they make out or something to relieve it.

Huntress is a prequel to Ash, and therefore everything you learned about the setting in Ash is totally useless.

Pros:
The writing is simple enough to keep you actively reading.  Instead of being a deterrent, the writing fuels you to continue without feeling like you need to set your book down.

The sexual tension is adorable.  I opened this book and began reading and thought, “JUST LIKE MY JAPANESE ANIMES.”  The characters are cute and likable, even relatable at times.

Huntress answered some questions I had about Ash, and some I didn’t.  The Chinese element in Ash was brought in full in Huntress and was fun to read.

If I could Give an Alternate Title:
Fairies Are Jackasses: The Sexual Tensioning

Ash (Lo, Malinda)

Ash, Malinda Lo

Overall Rating: 7/10
Gayness Rating: 4/10
Should I read it:
Ash wears its YA badge on its breast pocket.  The writing is simple, the story is relatively uncomplicated and the plot pretty much goes where you expect it to go.

Aisling is Cinderella.  Her mother died when she was young and her father decided his dick was too glorious to stay single and marries some rich bitch from the capitol.  They come visit their humble home and bitch and moan, seemingly oblivious to all this bullshit, her father just pretends like its nothing and gets sick.  Since travel is exactly what a sick person needs, his new wife takes him and his daughter to the capitol where he promptly dies.  Her stepmother is a bitch and guilts Ash, short for Aisling, into being a maid because that’s responsible as fuck.

Ash finds a fairy and thinks he’s hot.  Ash then meets the Kings Huntress and thinks she’s hot.  Despite being a Cinderella story, the prince remains totally irrelevant to the plot.

Cons:
Despite being sold as a Cinderella story, it’s pretty much a Cinderella story as far as her stepmother and sisters are kind of cuntwads.

Since being a lesbian is magical and cool in this setting, no one gives a fuck that Ash has a lezzie wetties for the King’s Huntress.  The romance seems conflictless and stands kind of uninteresting.

The writing is terribly simple and sometimes can get a bit dull.  There are some issues regarding the fluidity of the presented canon, there are gaping plot holes that are covered by a sheet of silk.  It’s nothing too bad but it can be irksome.

Pros:
This story did try to portray the stepsisters as being humans instead of monsters in people skin.  You understood that they were pressured and had problems of their own to deal with, which is a refreshing change from the usual horror stories.

The fact that there was no lesbian tension going on made it quite easy to slip in lesbians here and there for fun.  I appreciate that, Lo.

The world is magical and unique, with a gorgeous blending of Celtic and east Asian cultures that brings a unique world to life at our fingertips.  It’s very different from your standard fantasy world and it’s easy to like

If I could Give it an Alternate Title:
Glaring Plotholes Overlooked Because Lesbians

Fingersmith (Waters, Sarah)

Fingersmith, Sarah Waters

Overall Rating: 9/10, Damn Good Book
Gayness Rating: 6/10, Could be more Gay
Should I Read it:
This is not a YA story, it’s clearly written for people to sit down and fucking read it.  If you feel like you want to devote your brain to that, yes.  If you’re looking for something light to pass the time, maybe look for something else.

Susan Trinder, a girl raised in a dirty little thieves den in London, is persuaded by a fancy gentleman that everyone only really knows as Gentleman to help him confuse, possibly rape, marry and dump into a madhouse a richbitch that will secure the both of them a handsome fortune.  Susan, being a human being, is unsure about this at first but is eventually reassured by her lifelong caretaker to do it because, what the hell, am I right?  So, she becomes maid to a Maud Lilly, who unsurprisingly appears about as simple as Gentleman said she was.  Because this is any kind of story, Susan inevitably feels her heart go pitter patter due to this suffocatingly nice, intelligent and hot chick.  Gentleman shows up and things go to hell from there.  Lesbian shennigans ensue along with twists that would make M. Night Shamalyan go “now, step back a sec and help me out with this one.”  Everyone gets what they deserve in the end.

Cons:
What people might not tell you going in is that everyone in this book is a horrible, awful person.  Pretty much everyone.  I struggle to think of someone who isn’t.  You will be exposed, constantly, to the fact that these are bad people who are going to do bad things and that might irk the average person.  However, I can with honesty say, that everyone got what they deserved at the end of the book.  There’s little feeling around that’ll make you think “oh, god damn it, it was a good book if only x happened to y.”

There is surprisingly little lesbian content till part two of the book.  There are only two sex scenes in this book and it’s not very detailed, and the fact that I say there is two might be pushing it.  Part two focuses more on the subject of girl love and by the end of part two, that becomes less of the subject as the story progressed.  If one read the book, like me, for the lesbians, you’d probably be disappointed.

The writing can get stale at times.  I’ll be the first to admit that I skimmed pages at a time when things got dull.  The hardest part to get through was part one, but once you do, you’ll be glad you stuck through with it because the story just ignites at the end of part one.

Pros:
Everyone gets what they deserve.  Period.  Although this is not a Victorian piece written by a Victorian person, it had that in common with much of the literary work at the time.  Every person involved in something especially cruel got the blade of vengence porked into their awful stomachs.  And it was good.

For little there was of it, the lesbian content was sexy as fuck.  The scene in part two was worth reading a couple times because hot damn.

As for it being stale, the good thing is that skimming doesn’t hurt you much.  The story is best read in detail, but when I chose to skim, reading a few words of each paragraph was usually enough to tell me if I needed to read it.  Waters doesn’t pretend important information should be hidden.

If I could give it an alternate title:
Victorian People Are Awful; But Check Out These Lesbians